HOLY SHIT

i just logged into last.fm and i found a link to this. doesn't look like much has been happening. AH WELL.

update time:
I've met a lot of new animals since June of '07. Most importantly my dog Bowie and my cat Bacon. they rule and are cute. That's the three of us hanging out this summer. No big deal.

SEE YOU IN 1.5 YEARS

Animal Review #2 - Sea Dragon
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are you fucking kidding me? best animal ever. no doubt. the only thing that could make it better-ish would be for me to be able to hug and squeeze it. but its too small and fragile which totally goes the opposite way and make up for it. its like the oldest piece of egyptian papyrus that you can't even lay your finger oils on because it will mess it all up. when i saw these at the aquarium i almost had an anuerysm. not even a heart attack. i could feel a blood vessel in my brain clotting. i wouldn't even make out with either sea dragons, but because they are too god damn pretty.

infinity/10

ps. i know the syntax isn't the same, but im drunk. so fuck it.

Animal Review #1 - Leech

so i don't really like leeches, but i wanted to start the reviews democratically. i know that there are a handful of animals, but you gotta start somewhere. i went into my itunes and picked the first animal that was mentioned in a song.
so, leeches. kinda sick. they've made appearances in a few TV shows and movies and are always seen as gross things, well because they are. Slimy. Fat. Bloodsucking. Parasites. Pretty much nothing going for them. They used to be used, and still are though much less, for bloodletting. In times where knowledge of medicine was much more primitive, doctors used to attach leeches and let the leeches suck their blood to get rid of bad things. RETARDED. when they attach, like bats and mosquitos, they put in some kind of anticoagulant in your wound to stop clotting, so when they are done feeding, you keep bleeding, like a lot. which i guess is pretty cool.
but the sickest part about leeches is the one word used to describe them. before feeding and sucking out a ton of blood, they are small. but during and after sucking blood, they become ENGORGED. such a gross word. goddd.
finally, leeches are hermaphrodites. meaning they have both ovaries and testes! sick fucks.

final grade : D- . only reason it wasn't an F is because leeches were in Life Aquatic. and that movie is really good.

animals that i would be honored to kill me

until i get a digital camera again, since mine has sand in it or something, i can't photograph animals i meet. but i have a good number to post! until then, ill be generally talking about rad animals. maybe some insects and stuff too. so i was watching this show on discovery channel last night, and everyone gets attacked by sharks or alligators (or crocs!). but man, that's so played out. so here's a list of animals that are worthy of inflicting pain on me.

BADGERS

joe and i watched a documentary on badgers while jon was in prison in texas, and those guys are vicious. they can fight off wolves and grow all cute and fluffy in the winter. but it will fuck you up.

FUGU

not really a cool animal to die from per se, but dying from eating a dangerous animal would be right up my alley. also, scorpion tails, snake heads, sewer rat (prepared correctly), and other poisonous things.

Kittens! or other baby animals!

if i died in a totally adorable way too, it would be an honor. how cute would that be! imagine the youtube of a grown man being mauled by 50 siamese kittens! and they all had names like "fluffy" or "munchkin" or "Mr. Snugglebottom!" I'd die from a cute overload before they actually killed me. Other baby animal contenders include, but are not limited to, baby red panda, baby fox, baby tapir, baby polar bear, baby elephant, baby tiger, baby chihuahua with sock sweater, baby penguins, baby sun bear, baby hippo, baby eagle, baby lemur, 100s of baby squirrels, baby kangaroos, baby ocelot, baby koala, baby scaly anteater, and baby tasmanian devil. there are so many more. im bored, just not that bored.Tasmanian Tiger

cause they are extinct! how cool would it be to discover a thought to be extinct animal after my own death! of course this would have to mean my death would have to be seen or recorded somehow, but that's doable. shit, look at the jaw on that guy.

this came to me in a dream

i've been thinking about something like this for a little bit now, but last night i had a dream that gave me a little oomph.

some crazy fat ugly girl showed me a website about cats and it was pretty cool. then we started talking about animal related websites. And i told her i met think duck-fish-boy thing and we were talking. She said i should keep track of weird shit like that and there it is.